There comes a point in personal growth when understanding why you do something is no longer enough.

You may already be very self-aware. You may understand where your people-pleasing comes from, why you find it difficult to set boundaries, why you over-function in relationships, or why you continue to doubt yourself even when part of you knows exactly what you want.

And yet, knowing where a pattern comes from doesn’t necessarily stop you from repeating it.

That has certainly been true in my own life.

For years, I became increasingly good at understanding myself. Recovery gave me an extraordinary education in self-awareness. I read, studied, went to therapy, trained as a coach, learned about attachment, family systems, emotional regulation, trauma, relationships and behaviour, and continued trying to understand why we become who we become.

Eventually I realized that insight was only part of the work.

The deeper work was learning to recognize an old pattern while I was actually in it, understanding what was being activated, staying with the discomfort rather than immediately reacting to it, and gradually learning to choose differently.

That process became the foundation of Rewriting the Inheritance™.

We inherit far more than our eye colour or the shape of our nose.

We grow up absorbing beliefs about love, worth, responsibility, conflict, success, relationships, emotions and what is expected of us. Some of those beliefs are taught directly. Many are simply absorbed from the people and environments around us.

We learn who gets upset and who keeps the peace. Who talks about feelings and who doesn’t. Whether love feels secure or has to be earned. Whether our needs matter. Whether saying no is safe. Whether we are responsible for other people’s happiness. Whether being productive, helpful, attractive, successful or easy to be around somehow determines our value.

Much of this happens long before we have the awareness to question any of it.

Then we grow up.

And sometimes we find ourselves living from patterns we never consciously chose.

Rewriting the inheritance means becoming curious about those patterns rather than condemning ourselves for having them. It means asking: What did I learn? What did I come to believe? How is that belief still influencing my life today? And do I still want to live from it?

There is something powerful about recognizing your own experience in someone else’s story. Patterns you may have judged yourself for begin to make sense, and you discover that you are not alone in working to change them.

Rewriting the Inheritance™ brings a small group together over twelve weeks to explore inherited beliefs, recognize recurring emotional patterns and practise different ways of responding.

Through guided teaching, coaching, reflection and conversation, we move beyond understanding where a pattern began to noticing how it operates in everyday life—and what you can do when it appears.

We explore people-pleasing, boundaries, self-abandonment, over-responsibility, self-trust and the beliefs that shape our relationships and choices. You bring your own experiences to the work, with room to participate without pressure to share more than you wish.

The group offers structure and continuity, alongside the opportunity to learn from one another. Each week gives you something to reflect on and practise between sessions.

The experience includes:

• Twelve weekly group coaching sessions
• A small group of six to eight participants
• Guided reflection and practical exercises
• Support in applying the work to your everyday life
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Next small group begins January 20, 2027

Twelve weekly 90minute sessions, January 20–April 14, with one week off for March Break.

Participants can join in person, or online.

Three monthly integration sessions follow on May 12, June 9 and July 14, supporting you as you put the work into practice.

Investment

$1,800 CAD paid in full, or three monthly instalments of $650 CAD 

The first instalment reserves your place. Remaining payments are due February 20 and March 20, 2027.

Book a complimentary consultation to explore whether the group is right for you.

Rewriting the Inheritance™ is also offered as a private coaching experience with the work completely focussed around you.

A six-month private coaching relationship designed to help you recognize the emotional patterns influencing your happiness, relationships and choices—and how to respond differently.

We begin with 12 weekly, 75-minute private coaching sessions. Together, we explore what keeps repeating, understand where those patterns came from, and help you trust yourself and make choices that are right for you.

After our weekly sessions, we meet once a month for three additional integration sessions. These conversations provide continued support as you practise what you have learned in everyday life and navigate the situations that test new ways of responding.

Your coaching experience includes:

• Twelve weekly private coaching sessions
• Three monthly integration sessions
• Approximately six months of connection and continuity
• Personalized reflection, practical tools and guided support

There is no assumption that everyone has inherited the same things or needs to change in the same way. The work is personal.

In the early part of our time together, much of our focus is on noticing. We identify the patterns that repeat, the situations that activate them, and the beliefs that may be sitting underneath them.

From there, we begin looking at interruption. 

What happens in the moment when the old response appears? 

Can you notice it before automatically acting on it? 

Can you tolerate the discomfort of doing something differently? 

Can you set the boundary, have the conversation, stop over-explaining, allow someone to be disappointed, or trust what you already know?

And then we work on integration — practising those different responses often enough that they gradually become more available to you.

Not perfect. Not automatic overnight. Just increasingly possible.

One of the things I emphasize with my clients is that learning to be kind to yourself is imperative to wellbeing and growth.

Self-awareness without self-compassion can become another opportunity to criticize yourself.

Once you begin recognizing your patterns, it can be very easy to think, There I go again. Why am I still doing this? I should know better.

Most of our patterns developed for a reason. At some point they helped us belong, stay safe, maintain connection, avoid conflict or make sense of the environment we were living in.

We can take responsibility for changing them without shaming ourselves for developing them.

For me, that combination of clarity, kindness and choice is central to the work.

The more clearly you can see yourself, the more compassionately you can understand yourself, and the more opportunity you have to make a different choice.

This work is also deeply connected to my own story.

Over the past several years, while developing Rewriting the Inheritance™, I was also writing my memoir, Invisible Inheritance.

Writing the book required me to go back through my own life with a level of honesty I had never attempted before. I began seeing connections between experiences, beliefs, relationships and behaviours that I had previously understood only in pieces.

The visible story in my life was addiction and recovery. But underneath that was another story entirely — the emotional inheritance I carried into adulthood and the ways it influenced my choices long before I understood what was happening.

In many ways, I teach from what once limited me.

That doesn't mean your story will look anything like mine. It means I understand personally that recognizing a pattern is different from learning how to change one.

My work as a coach brings together professional training, years of study, recovery experience, personal work and the lessons I continue to learn through living my own life.

I am still rewriting my inheritance too.

The particular patterns we work with will depend on you, but they may include:

• people-pleasing,
• self-abandonment
• over-functioning 
• perfectionism
• difficulty setting boundaries
• taking responsibility for other people's emotions 
• self-doubt,
• over-explaining
• staying too long in situations or relationships
• difficulty trusting yourself
• fear of disappointing people, or the belief that your worth is tied to what you produce or provide for others

Sometimes the pattern is obvious.

Sometimes you simply know that something in your life keeps repeating and you want to understand why. That's where we begin.

Rewriting the Inheritance™ includes twelve private coaching sessions over approximately twelve weeks. Sessions are generally 75 minutes and can take place in person at Cedarvale Wellbeing or online.

Our work together may also incorporate reflection exercises, breathwork, nervous-system regulation practices and material from the Rewriting the Inheritance™ framework when they are useful to your particular process.

This is not a rigid twelve-week curriculum that I impose on you. There is a structure and progression to the work, but your life and your needs are what determine where we spend our time.

No. Rewriting the Inheritance™ is coaching.

We may talk about your past because our earlier experiences often help us understand the patterns we are living with today, but the purpose is not to diagnose or treat mental-health conditions.

Our focus is on self-awareness, patterns, choices, behaviour and how you want to live life moving forward.

Many people work with a therapist and a coach at the same time, and the two can serve different but complementary purposes.

The investment for the private six-month Rewriting the Inheritance™ experience is $2,400 CAD. 

Payment plans are available.

I intentionally work with a limited number of private clients at a time so that I can give each person the attention they deserve.

You don't need to have everything figured out before beginning.

In fact, you may simply know that you're tired of repeating something.

Perhaps you're recognizing that you abandon yourself in relationships. Maybe you continually take responsibility for things that are not yours to carry. Perhaps you understand yourself intellectually but find the same behaviours continue showing up when you are stressed, afraid or emotionally activated.

Or perhaps you are simply becoming curious about how much of the life you are living today was consciously chosen — and how much was inherited.

If any of that resonates, we can begin with a conversation.

This work is for you if:

• you’re self-aware but still repeating patterns
• you’ve done therapy or recovery work but feel stuck
• you overfunction, over-accommodate, or override yourself
• you want real behavioural change—not just insight
• you are ready for structured, deliberate work

• surface-level mindset work
• passive learning
• avoiding responsibility for your own patterns

“I’m much more aware of my boundaries and how to respect those of others.”

I’m more disciplined in how I show up in my relationships and daily life.

This course is great.

— Meredith B., Ottawa, ON

Natasha

“Today I feel empowered, self-compassionate, and free.”

Tommi’s course has been transformative for me. I learned to become my own caregiver instead of trying to meet everyone else’s expectations.

Healing my childhood experiences helped me leave behind the overly responsible, anxious girl who tried to fix everything.

— Natasha B., Toronto, ON

Gerry

“I’m a work in progress and worth the work.”

Thank you for your contribution to my life.

— Gerry C., Kelowna, BC

This work is intentional.

It asks for honesty.

Curiosity.

Consistency.

And a willingness to interrupt patterns as they happen—not simply understand them.

If you've recognized yourself while reading this page...

If you're ready to stop repeating what hurts you...

I'd love to explore whether this work is the right fit.

Is this therapy?
No. This is structured pattern interruption work focused on real-time behavioural change.

Do I need prior experience?
Most clients have already done some level of personal work, but it’s not required.

What if I’m not sure I’m ready?
The consultation is designed to determine fit.

If now isn’t the right time for the twelve-week experience, there are other ways to begin the work. 

Conscious Conversations Coaching Circle – A small-group coaching experience offered twice monthly, with one meaningful theme each month. Join in person at Cedarvale or online. Ideal if you want guided reflection, meaningful conversation, and a supportive way to explore your own patterns alongside others. 

Private Coaching  – Focused one-to-one coaching around a particular pattern, decision, relationship, transition, or area of your life. Best suited to those who want individual attention without committing to the full twelve-week experience. $200/session

Rewriting the Inheritance™ Guided Workbook – Begin exploring inherited beliefs, emotional patterns, and behaviours at your own pace. 

Cedarvale Wellbeing – Explore breathwork, meditation, contrast therapy, Yin Yoga, sound, retreats, and other restorative experiences designed to support greater awareness and wellbeing in Port Elgin, ON

Change doesn’t happen only through conversation. It also happens through practice, reflection, connection, and embodied experience. 

At Cedarvale Wellbeing, coaching is supported by breathwork, meditation, contrast therapy, Yin Yoga, sound, retreats, and community experiences that help bring what you’re learning into everyday life.